Ahhhh. The last time we met I was feeling very conflicted. I am feeling much more calm now, and far better able to manage my sailor's mouth. I have been sitting back and paying attention for about a month now, give or take. I think a huge part of being an informative voice, worth listening to, is being able to just absorb your surroundings. Also, however difficult it may be, one has to give an honest effort to trying to understand and comprehend where their opponent is coming from.
And however ugly that word may be, opponent is utterly accurate. I have truly gone to the websites and read what is being said about the GLBTQ community. However my completely awesome Mom raised me better than to repeat some of the filth that is being said about my queer family community. I will say this, I cannot fathom how anyone, anywhere, can begin to believe that allowing equal marriage rights would be on the same level as allowing brothers and sisters to marry. Or farm animals. Quite frankly, I'm rather insulted that the latter two are EVER in league with thoughts of the former two. But, people exist that entertain these thoughts.
After my last blog post I got some feedback that ran the full spectrum. Everything from totally positive, to close friends being concerned that my mood and temper might get in the way of me taking advantage of my life and my blessings. I am here to tell you that nothing that I get upset about will ever get between myself and the love in my life. Nothing ever could be worth allowing that negativity to touch or upset the love that I have been blessed with. I think when you have to fight so hard for something, you are just that much more appreciative of it. Exibit A: the breeder divorce rate. I am certain that feathers will be ruffled with that statement, and to the straight people that I love very much, that read this, I hope this never includes you. However, you all love me because I am a no-bullshit kind of person, so I am hoping that you will be able to see my point, and not become angry or upset with me for being honest.
GLBTQ Pride is upon us. Our beautiful diverse community will be shown tolerance, for one entire weekend. We will be able to sport our bumper stickers, flags, and rainbow pride clothes for 3 whole days. Minneapolis even puts up these awesome banners on all the light posts and street signs proclaiming that it's Pride time. This amazing facade could easily fool the uninformed into believing that all is uncorns and glitter in the queer world. I promise you a gorgeous Abercrombie-advertising young gay man will still get roughed up at some point. A close cropped lesbian will still be called a "dyke", by someone utterly unworthy of using that term. These things make me still, to this day, want to hang my head in shame. Because, somewhere deep down, I still wonder how or why we deserve this treatment.
And you cannot fathom being treated this way, until you have walked even just few steps, in our vastly differed footwear.
The song "True Colors", by the Divine Miss Cyndie Lauper makes me cry every single time I hear it. All I can think about is all the beautiful shades of the GLBTQ rainbow, and how we are so incredibly blessed to have every single person that helps to create that magnificence.
Imagine.
Imagine a place where we all are accepted and loved EXACTLY as we are. Gay. Lesbian. Bisexual. Transgendered. Queer. And every single facet in between. Loved for the very essence of the people we are, and NOT how we love. In my heart I believe that reality exists, but it will be a victory that we have to give every ounce of stength to win.
I hope that we all can carry our Rainbow Pride with us beyond this month. I hope that when Minneapolis is sweeping the glitter, and streamers and tossed away paper cups off the street they do not take the essence of our Pride with them. It's so much more than that!!!
It's holding your partner's hand when you're having a casual stroll down the street. It's standing up and being proud of who you are, all the time. It's not allowing anyone to make you feel as though you are unworthy of love, simply because of how you love. It's as simple as telling your co-workers that your best friend is gay, and you are not comfortable with the queer joke that someone just made. Or for that matter, you just happen to know someone is gay, and even though you barely know them, it's flat out unacceptable that the person might hear that joke. There are so many examples that I could be here all night naming them all off. Either way, I believe you get the point.
I hope that each and every person that reads this can honestly say that they would speak up. Or has. Or that they have had someone speak out and stand up in their behalf. I am not certain that that's the case though. The optimist in me won't entertain the negative for long however, and that brings me to my major point.
Bring Pride with you. Support absolutely any local GLBTQ cause or business that you can. They're not tough to spot. "Like" the Facebook pages. Pay attention to local politics. The local news is generally thrilled to report on how the queers are doing be it good or bad. Show up and be counted whenever you can.
I know these things seem trivial, but I assure you that someone is always paying attention. Someone always notices how many people are present on both sides of the line. And rest assured, the bigots have drawn the line. Where YOU reside when the vote comes is monumental, and I hope that your Pride keeps you on the diverse side. I also hope it helps you to encourage more minds to open and follow suit.
Thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day and visiting My Side Of The Looking Glass. I hope that you are blessed to be included in some beautiful diversity.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Seeing Red
I am so mad. Picture your worst version of a fire out of control, and that is how my emotions feel, way deep down. It's unhealthy, really, but I am not able to reign them in, just yet.
I have been trying to find the words for 24 hours now, to process and share my emotions. I know that's the healthy path to self cleansing. FUCK self cleansing. I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF.
I subscribe to a good number of Facebook pages dedicated to keeping the public informed about glbtq equality, rights, and general goings-on. My feed is filled with stories about how our rights are slowly, but with vindictive determination, being stripped away. The days ticked on, 1,2,3, and the officials allied with equal rights managed to keep putting the vote off;but the next thing we know, after numerous rallies, protests, and sing-alongs, the elected officials of the great state in Minnesota decided to allow the citizens to vote whether or not to define marriage as being "between one man, and one woman". I stayed up, Saturday night, to keep up with the action that would strip away my hope. I watched the posts, felt my anxiety and sadness rise, while my hope for the future sank like 10 ton weight.
I actually felt my heart break.
I am quite literally, as I write this, searching for words that are honest, and from my heart, and attempt to not offend anyone. Believe it or not. Every single person in my life is 100% for equal rights. I love and appreciate all of you.
But unless you're included that glbtq spectrum- you just don't get it. You cannot possibly fathom what it feels like to have someone else deciding that your relationship is valid. For that matter. WRONG. How would you explain it to your children tomorrow if the law decided that their parents can never be recognized as a couple? How would you feel if the option to be legally bound to deal with each other's bullshit and beauty was taken away from you? How would you feel facing the knowledge that if your loving, dedicated significant other was lying in a hospital bed you may not be allowed to go in their room and try to comfort them? Or that you were in danger of having your rights to children you planned for, concieved in love , and raised in a solid loving home may be taken away from you? I have beautiful, loving, compassionate friends that are married, about to be married, and landing somewhere near the middle. I will happily celebrate your unions, and the celebrations of your unions. I don't even begrudge you your freedoms. It is sometimes difficult though. I am a big enough person to admit that it is hard to watch you breeders enjoy the freedoms that I can't know. May not EVER enjoy in my lifetime. I will also admit that I am afraid it will drive a wedge within those friendships. Having said that, please don't be afraid to come to me and talk about it. I don't want to lose any of the precious people I love over things that are beyond our control.
Moving forward. According to recent statistics it will take 1.5 million voters in the state of Minnesota voting NO on the ballot to bring down this discriminatory law. Can you even wrap your mind around 1.5 million people? I keep reading about how in other states the early polling showed all this "support" of equal rights, and then on voting day somehow none of those people showed up to be counted for. Or they changed their minds. This scares me so much. I know I will cry countless tears worrying about my civil rights. I will spend a good amount of time being pissed off. It won't matter though.
That's kind of the point though, no?
A very wise person I know recently wrote about the various ways the queers can "fight back". I found it insightful and humorous. People see queers as fashionable, funny, and able to sport rainbows with flair. I am quite thankful to my gay boys, I know in a pinch they could go through my meager wardrobe and dress me for the Oscars to avoid total public humiliation. Stereotype, yes. Also true. The lesbians out there can quite possibly fix your clogged drain, change your oil, and build your kids a swingset, with nothing more than some duct-tape and bubble gum. Our bisexual community withstands all the rumors and innuendo that come with being able to love anyone, regardless of gender. Our trans, gender-queer, and everything-in-between family have to live their own personal nightmare, as well as the mainstream glbtq. Labels are debilitating to humans, and be that as it may, these stereotypes are on-point, and unfortunately lead to the breeders viewing us as weak, submissive, and easy to break. They could not be more wrong. Our hearts feel pain, our minds register judgement, and our souls ready for a fight- at all times.
We get insults thrown casually at us in the grocery store, library, and mall. Dirty looks while we walk down the street. Beaten while we wait to use a public bathroom, or attempt to enjoy a sunset evening in a park. And what do we do??
We rally. We protest. We FIGHT BACK. With love. In peace. We carry signs and bring our children to remind others and make it known that we are not in the mindset to start a violent fight. Because that is not how we work. At the very heart of the glbtq community is the concept that we "fight hate with love. "
Any advice on how to actually do that?? Because from my perspective, I have quite limited options. LOADS of willing, supportive, loving friends. But zero options. I don't know a single person that can drop everything to rally. Run to the store and buy materials for signage, flags, and various materials for displaying Pride. Or even just make the time to just show up and wave a sign or flag and chant. 9 times out of 10 it just can't or won't happen.
Which leaves me in my current state of mind. I have tried for years to forge ahead. To be proud and just hold my head high. If I may say so myself I think I have been doing a fairly decent job. But I am officially at my wits' end. I am exhausted with trying to keep the morale going. My heart aches and my soul cries for the injustice being doled out to my beautiful glbtq community. We have never hurt anyone. We have not done anything to bring about the current state of affairs. I am without any witty quips or off the cuff responses to maintain enlightenment. This is so incredibly, dauntingly, overwhelmingly sad to me.
I have lost my rainbow.
And I don't even have the first clue whom to hold accountable for this. The core values in any family are the very same as my own, I assure you. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Don't use language that could possibly offend anyone. Keep strangers' feelings in mind, regardless of whether or not they are affording you that same courtesy. My kids, and my significant other are subjected to the way of life I insist on, and they abide by the love and respect I practice in my home. So, why, I ask, is my family not afforded that same love and respect?
I just had a giant, deep sigh. I am so angry that I'm tired. I don't expect miracles to come from thin air. I don't think for a single second that just reading the words from one angry queer will change a single mind. But I will go to sleep tonight knowing that I had the courage to speak my full mind. Once again. And that I am committed to bringing about change, in whatever way I possibly can.
2012 will be a life-changing year for so many of us. It's looming in the distance, and still close enough to be fearful. I can pretty much promise you the queers in your life will be paying attention. Our very civil liberties are hanging in the balance, quite literally by a vote. It is NOT FAIR. But then again, that's no big change for us. Being treated as first-class citizens would be the big change, no?
Thank you for visiting My Side Of The Looking Glass. I hope with all my heart that your day is filled with blessed, beautiful diversity.
I have been trying to find the words for 24 hours now, to process and share my emotions. I know that's the healthy path to self cleansing. FUCK self cleansing. I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF.
I subscribe to a good number of Facebook pages dedicated to keeping the public informed about glbtq equality, rights, and general goings-on. My feed is filled with stories about how our rights are slowly, but with vindictive determination, being stripped away. The days ticked on, 1,2,3, and the officials allied with equal rights managed to keep putting the vote off;but the next thing we know, after numerous rallies, protests, and sing-alongs, the elected officials of the great state in Minnesota decided to allow the citizens to vote whether or not to define marriage as being "between one man, and one woman". I stayed up, Saturday night, to keep up with the action that would strip away my hope. I watched the posts, felt my anxiety and sadness rise, while my hope for the future sank like 10 ton weight.
I actually felt my heart break.
I am quite literally, as I write this, searching for words that are honest, and from my heart, and attempt to not offend anyone. Believe it or not. Every single person in my life is 100% for equal rights. I love and appreciate all of you.
But unless you're included that glbtq spectrum- you just don't get it. You cannot possibly fathom what it feels like to have someone else deciding that your relationship is valid. For that matter. WRONG. How would you explain it to your children tomorrow if the law decided that their parents can never be recognized as a couple? How would you feel if the option to be legally bound to deal with each other's bullshit and beauty was taken away from you? How would you feel facing the knowledge that if your loving, dedicated significant other was lying in a hospital bed you may not be allowed to go in their room and try to comfort them? Or that you were in danger of having your rights to children you planned for, concieved in love , and raised in a solid loving home may be taken away from you? I have beautiful, loving, compassionate friends that are married, about to be married, and landing somewhere near the middle. I will happily celebrate your unions, and the celebrations of your unions. I don't even begrudge you your freedoms. It is sometimes difficult though. I am a big enough person to admit that it is hard to watch you breeders enjoy the freedoms that I can't know. May not EVER enjoy in my lifetime. I will also admit that I am afraid it will drive a wedge within those friendships. Having said that, please don't be afraid to come to me and talk about it. I don't want to lose any of the precious people I love over things that are beyond our control.
Moving forward. According to recent statistics it will take 1.5 million voters in the state of Minnesota voting NO on the ballot to bring down this discriminatory law. Can you even wrap your mind around 1.5 million people? I keep reading about how in other states the early polling showed all this "support" of equal rights, and then on voting day somehow none of those people showed up to be counted for. Or they changed their minds. This scares me so much. I know I will cry countless tears worrying about my civil rights. I will spend a good amount of time being pissed off. It won't matter though.
That's kind of the point though, no?
A very wise person I know recently wrote about the various ways the queers can "fight back". I found it insightful and humorous. People see queers as fashionable, funny, and able to sport rainbows with flair. I am quite thankful to my gay boys, I know in a pinch they could go through my meager wardrobe and dress me for the Oscars to avoid total public humiliation. Stereotype, yes. Also true. The lesbians out there can quite possibly fix your clogged drain, change your oil, and build your kids a swingset, with nothing more than some duct-tape and bubble gum. Our bisexual community withstands all the rumors and innuendo that come with being able to love anyone, regardless of gender. Our trans, gender-queer, and everything-in-between family have to live their own personal nightmare, as well as the mainstream glbtq. Labels are debilitating to humans, and be that as it may, these stereotypes are on-point, and unfortunately lead to the breeders viewing us as weak, submissive, and easy to break. They could not be more wrong. Our hearts feel pain, our minds register judgement, and our souls ready for a fight- at all times.
We get insults thrown casually at us in the grocery store, library, and mall. Dirty looks while we walk down the street. Beaten while we wait to use a public bathroom, or attempt to enjoy a sunset evening in a park. And what do we do??
We rally. We protest. We FIGHT BACK. With love. In peace. We carry signs and bring our children to remind others and make it known that we are not in the mindset to start a violent fight. Because that is not how we work. At the very heart of the glbtq community is the concept that we "fight hate with love. "
Any advice on how to actually do that?? Because from my perspective, I have quite limited options. LOADS of willing, supportive, loving friends. But zero options. I don't know a single person that can drop everything to rally. Run to the store and buy materials for signage, flags, and various materials for displaying Pride. Or even just make the time to just show up and wave a sign or flag and chant. 9 times out of 10 it just can't or won't happen.
Which leaves me in my current state of mind. I have tried for years to forge ahead. To be proud and just hold my head high. If I may say so myself I think I have been doing a fairly decent job. But I am officially at my wits' end. I am exhausted with trying to keep the morale going. My heart aches and my soul cries for the injustice being doled out to my beautiful glbtq community. We have never hurt anyone. We have not done anything to bring about the current state of affairs. I am without any witty quips or off the cuff responses to maintain enlightenment. This is so incredibly, dauntingly, overwhelmingly sad to me.
I have lost my rainbow.
And I don't even have the first clue whom to hold accountable for this. The core values in any family are the very same as my own, I assure you. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Don't use language that could possibly offend anyone. Keep strangers' feelings in mind, regardless of whether or not they are affording you that same courtesy. My kids, and my significant other are subjected to the way of life I insist on, and they abide by the love and respect I practice in my home. So, why, I ask, is my family not afforded that same love and respect?
I just had a giant, deep sigh. I am so angry that I'm tired. I don't expect miracles to come from thin air. I don't think for a single second that just reading the words from one angry queer will change a single mind. But I will go to sleep tonight knowing that I had the courage to speak my full mind. Once again. And that I am committed to bringing about change, in whatever way I possibly can.
2012 will be a life-changing year for so many of us. It's looming in the distance, and still close enough to be fearful. I can pretty much promise you the queers in your life will be paying attention. Our very civil liberties are hanging in the balance, quite literally by a vote. It is NOT FAIR. But then again, that's no big change for us. Being treated as first-class citizens would be the big change, no?
Thank you for visiting My Side Of The Looking Glass. I hope with all my heart that your day is filled with blessed, beautiful diversity.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
My Beautiful Babygirl
Today was a turning point for my lil family. I honestly didn't really know what to think I would feel on this day, when thinking about it, eons ago. My beautiful, brilliant daughter spent her first major holiday with her biological father. The culimination of this day has come and passed, and it went really smoothly.
Somewhere in the neighborhood of sixteen years ago I was pregnant with my first baby, and getting ready to pop! I had my Mom, family, and a handful of close friends to keep me company and remind me that I could in fact "do this!". The individual that had unwittingly blessed me with this precious baby had moved on, to the best of his ability. For the record, I had mostly written him off and forgiven him, as much as anyone with horrid acid reflux and the loss of being able to see her feet can do. Granted, I was not naive, nor had I gotten into the situation against my own will. I chose to have,keep, and raise my baby. With or without his input. I was feeling strong, independent and determined to give my daughter everything.
Life has been interesting for us. I have to give my family a whole lot of credit for being there for us, and being willing to make sure she had as much as we could possibly give to her. Over time things were bumpy, to say the least. Our family as a whole went through more than anyone should have to endure, but the fact is that it's a New World out there and things are tough for everyone. My beautiful baby girl and I were blessed to be surrounded by people that wanted to see us succeed.
Fast forward to the present, approximately 6 months ago. With just a bit of luck, the goddesses of fate provided my daughter with the opportunity to find her birth Father online. His Facebook, to be exact. What are the odds?? Seriously. She asked me a few questions to verify that it was him, and I knew beyond a doubt that she'd found him. This meant life was about to change drastically, yet again.
At first it seemed he wanted to be a huge part of her life, make up for all that time he'd lost. Yadda, yadda, yadda. He also managed to dissapoint her at pretty much every opportunity. He would blow off her text messages, not call her back, and make her feel less-than, whenever he could. Little did I know or guess that he and his whole family were actually prepared to work for her trust. I believe from the bottom of my heart that his Mother, who resides on somewhere near to my side of the rainbow, needs, wants, and misses my daughter in her life. She got a total of an hour with my baby when she was 2 weeks old, and that's more than enough time to fall in love with any baby, let alone your Granddaughter.
My daughter went to her first holiday with that part of her family today. She was caught off guard right away just by the invitation. Then she had to make sure that myself, and the only Father she'd known for 16 years would not be upset with her for wanting to make plans with that family. I can only speak for myself, but it stung. I wanted to object, but how? The fact is that my beautiful baby deserves to have every part of her family actively participating in her life. However it may have made me feel, they are her family. She needs them in her life.
So, at around 11 a.m. today, my baby was picked up by her other family, and left for her first holiday barbeque with them. I was incredibly nervous for her, and wanted very much for the day to go smoothly for her.
I didn't need to worry at all.
They made her feel completely included. Her birth Father took her to the house he and his fiance have purchased. They showed her windows, told her things about the neighborhood, and she and her half-sister built a fort out of the left over boxes from the miscellaneous boxes left behind from the building of the house. It was made very obvious that she is wanted in their lives. After the tour of the new home they all went back to his Mother and her Significant Other's home, and they had dessert. She was also presented with a diamond necklace that it would take me a years' worth of paychecks to buy. Around that same time she noticed that among the photos framed on her Grandmother's fireplace was the one of her as a baby, the only one I'd ever given her Father. I love that her Grandmother never let go of her. My daughter deserves at the very least that kind of devotion.
The best part the this experience was, for me, the conclusion. My daughter came home, shared with me all of the events of her day, and was just sincerely happy to be home. It gave me a whole lot of peace of mind. Our home was filled with laughter, conversation, and love for several hours this evening while we all settled in and got ready for our weekend to come to a close. All of us contemplating our plans for tomorrow and finishing up enjoying today.
This chapter of the Looking Glass is dedicated to seeing what's best for people you love, even if it's not necessarily what you would choose for them. You can't always foresee the sunshine and rainbow,sometimes it just breaks free if the rain with no warning at all.
Thank you for visiting My Side Of The Looking Glass. I hope your tomorrow is filled with beautiful diversity as well :)
Somewhere in the neighborhood of sixteen years ago I was pregnant with my first baby, and getting ready to pop! I had my Mom, family, and a handful of close friends to keep me company and remind me that I could in fact "do this!". The individual that had unwittingly blessed me with this precious baby had moved on, to the best of his ability. For the record, I had mostly written him off and forgiven him, as much as anyone with horrid acid reflux and the loss of being able to see her feet can do. Granted, I was not naive, nor had I gotten into the situation against my own will. I chose to have,keep, and raise my baby. With or without his input. I was feeling strong, independent and determined to give my daughter everything.
Life has been interesting for us. I have to give my family a whole lot of credit for being there for us, and being willing to make sure she had as much as we could possibly give to her. Over time things were bumpy, to say the least. Our family as a whole went through more than anyone should have to endure, but the fact is that it's a New World out there and things are tough for everyone. My beautiful baby girl and I were blessed to be surrounded by people that wanted to see us succeed.
Fast forward to the present, approximately 6 months ago. With just a bit of luck, the goddesses of fate provided my daughter with the opportunity to find her birth Father online. His Facebook, to be exact. What are the odds?? Seriously. She asked me a few questions to verify that it was him, and I knew beyond a doubt that she'd found him. This meant life was about to change drastically, yet again.
At first it seemed he wanted to be a huge part of her life, make up for all that time he'd lost. Yadda, yadda, yadda. He also managed to dissapoint her at pretty much every opportunity. He would blow off her text messages, not call her back, and make her feel less-than, whenever he could. Little did I know or guess that he and his whole family were actually prepared to work for her trust. I believe from the bottom of my heart that his Mother, who resides on somewhere near to my side of the rainbow, needs, wants, and misses my daughter in her life. She got a total of an hour with my baby when she was 2 weeks old, and that's more than enough time to fall in love with any baby, let alone your Granddaughter.
My daughter went to her first holiday with that part of her family today. She was caught off guard right away just by the invitation. Then she had to make sure that myself, and the only Father she'd known for 16 years would not be upset with her for wanting to make plans with that family. I can only speak for myself, but it stung. I wanted to object, but how? The fact is that my beautiful baby deserves to have every part of her family actively participating in her life. However it may have made me feel, they are her family. She needs them in her life.
So, at around 11 a.m. today, my baby was picked up by her other family, and left for her first holiday barbeque with them. I was incredibly nervous for her, and wanted very much for the day to go smoothly for her.
I didn't need to worry at all.
They made her feel completely included. Her birth Father took her to the house he and his fiance have purchased. They showed her windows, told her things about the neighborhood, and she and her half-sister built a fort out of the left over boxes from the miscellaneous boxes left behind from the building of the house. It was made very obvious that she is wanted in their lives. After the tour of the new home they all went back to his Mother and her Significant Other's home, and they had dessert. She was also presented with a diamond necklace that it would take me a years' worth of paychecks to buy. Around that same time she noticed that among the photos framed on her Grandmother's fireplace was the one of her as a baby, the only one I'd ever given her Father. I love that her Grandmother never let go of her. My daughter deserves at the very least that kind of devotion.
The best part the this experience was, for me, the conclusion. My daughter came home, shared with me all of the events of her day, and was just sincerely happy to be home. It gave me a whole lot of peace of mind. Our home was filled with laughter, conversation, and love for several hours this evening while we all settled in and got ready for our weekend to come to a close. All of us contemplating our plans for tomorrow and finishing up enjoying today.
This chapter of the Looking Glass is dedicated to seeing what's best for people you love, even if it's not necessarily what you would choose for them. You can't always foresee the sunshine and rainbow,sometimes it just breaks free if the rain with no warning at all.
Thank you for visiting My Side Of The Looking Glass. I hope your tomorrow is filled with beautiful diversity as well :)
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