Love, Faith, and Friends.

Grab onto your happiness, hold on with every ounce of strength you posess. I firmly believe in this world the only thing worth having, and fighting for, is love. It's by far the most difficult to achieve, and even harder yet to hold on to.
Faith is the ability to believe in something you cannot see or touch. Something you only know is there because your soul can recognize it. It is hard won, and generally even harder to maintain. I think few people ever really appreciate it. But, goodness, it feels stellar to achieve. For me love breeds faith, leading then to inner peace and happiness.
There are not enough words in the English language to properly articulate the crucial importance of inner peace. It's the basic component and building block for any type of stable and fullfilling existence. If you don't agree, you're more than welcome to try living without it. I have. EPIC FAIL.
This of course means tackling all those inner demons, facing your fears, and accepting that even though you have convinced everyone around you that you're happy, you're not. I think alot of people have mastered self deception. At one point I had gotten fantastic at convincing myself that I felt great. No worries. I could almost ignore that sour, sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach that called me out. "FRAUD".
The most insane part about it? Tackling those inner demons was not nearly the mountain I'd built up in my head. Granted, it was a fairly respectable hill, but no match for my determination. I think inside of all of us is a force of determination to be reckoned with. Humans possess a fascinating lot of idiosynchracies. The urge to fight for one's own happiness is dominant, and still somehow we generally are own biggest challenge. Most can talk themselves into and out of just about anything. The instinct to allow others' opinions to define us is strong. The most successful, and happiest folks are the ones who figured out that it doesn't matter. Not even a little bit.
How is that for contradictive? We are semi-programmed from an early age to be conscious of what everyone thinks of us, and then conform. During our most informative years most are struggling to "fit in". What a load of hooey. When push comes to shove, and it matters the most, as an adult, the only person that matters is YOU. The only thoughts that are going to influence your life are your own. We set ourselves up for failure.
If I could go back in time, the only think I'd do different is get to know myself better when I still had the time to not learn how to always question my own thoughts. I mean, seriously, who the hell can know better than me what it's going to take to make me smile??? I think self doubt is debilitating. It shouldn't take for someone else to say "hey, you're awesome" for anyone to know it about themself.
And yeah, for the record, I am pretty awesome :) This is not an arrogant statement, it is coming directly from my sense of confidence. The knowledge that deep down I am a good person. Perhaps not the smartest, prettiest, or coolest person in the room, but awesome in my own right. I think that having the ability to even say it to myself, and BELIEVE it, makes me successful. Not needing anyone to tell me anything about myself. Though, of course, I am only human. I think it's just nothing short of wonderful that the goddess has blessed me with friends that dig who I am too. It makes me want to tell everyone I know, all the time just how wonderful they are.
For a long time, every single day, I made it a point to tell all my female friends, at least once every day, that they are beautiful. I think every woman should hear it every day. I still do it,it's just second nature now. It's not hard to remember to when I am surrounded by the most amazing, beautiful, divine women that have ever graced this earth :)
I sincerely hope each and every single one of them knows that they are stunning. As my love would put it.."perfect within their imperfections".
My life is so enriched for the diverse group of individuals I am SO PROUD to call my friends. I never dreamed that I would know such fantastic people, and somehow they all blow my mind every single day. People that are wonderful in their own right, and confident of it. It's kind of an extra super amazing concept. The way I see it, these people are super heroes, each in their own way. Strong, confident, happy. They have worked for their happiness as well, and are amazing friends.
Aahhhhh....the contentment that enlightenment breeds. Sensational feeling. I am absolutely dedicating this adventure to "The Other Side Of The Looking Glass" to my friends. The most diverse, brilliant, beautiful people I have ever encountered. Thank you, a bazillion times over, for enriching my life as you all do. It wouldn't be the paradise it is without each and every one of you in it.

Just One Of Those Days

I think there ought to be a remedy one can take at the onset of "One of those days". When you open your eyes in the morning and just know, beyond a doubt that someone is going to say something, and it's going to devastate you. Now mind you, this person will have no ill intentions, is probably someone dear to you, and would never hurt your feelings on purpose.
These are the days when we reach for the remote and turn up all those drown-out-your-misery songs and eat your body weight in junk food. Or in my case chain smoke and drink 2 pots of coffee. Which extra sucks, as I have cut way back on how much I smoke. Drat.
I think the biggest challenge by far is making some semblence of coherent sense of all the rambling nonsense in your head. "Do I look fat?" "Have I been an attentive Mother lately?" "Is my partner happy and content?"
In the light of a rational day most of us would happily thump ourselves in the forehead and give ourselves a stern talking to for being so hard on ourselves. Wow. That sounded really ridiculous. Writing in the 3rd person looks bizarre!
Even as I am writing this I am going over all the random crap in my head and pondering just how much soul to bare this week.
It has been a BIG week for me. I experienced an epiphany, which led to this huge spur-of-the-moment decision to make some drastric changes within myself, thus leading to ginormous changes in my life. I am absolutely happy with said changes, and sticking with them. However in the aftermath wrapping my mind around them is kind of breath-taking.
I am a much stronger girl than I'd thought. And, for the record, I knew I was pretty strong. Turns out that when push comes to shove, I am totally capable of walking the walk. That and doing whatever it takes.
Now if I can just absorb it all. There should be a "pause" button in my head. I think most folks would like a "rewind". Not me. Every mistake I've ever made has gotten me here. To this moment. And there have been some mind-blowingly amazing moments in there. They absolutely outweigh the crap ones. (not that I would for even one second want to do any of it over again!)
Ok, time to suck it up and get my dishes done. Here's to hoping the radio plays nice.