Not A Pile of Bullshit

I was going to talk about babies today. I've had them on my mind a lot lately. Babies are so perfect, in every possible way. They smell like the heavens, they're soft like the most precious of silk, and the cuddles you get during their many naps are absolutely amazing.

But then a little bit ago, I made the mistake of asking someone who is supposed to be a trusted friend, his opinion on our upcoming election. Just a simple question, really. He is someone who has guided me through some very messy and unpleasant twists in my life journey. He is smart, thorough, and generally patient. He is also a fellow member of the mentally ill masses, as I am I. But that does not give anyone a free pass to just be a total jerk. Not even a tiny little bit.

Mental illness has been in the limelight a whole lot lately. Yes, it causes people to have minds they feel prisoned within, emotions they cannot control, and require medication and therapy, for life, sometimes. But it's also something that is FULLY manageable.

Mental illness is horrible. My list of diagnoses is daunting, to say the least. I go to therapy, take my medicines, and use every coping technique I've learned to utilize. I'm honest with my fiancé when I'm feeling out of sorts, I back away from situations I know are over my head, and I flat out avoid anything that I know could possibly trigger something that would be humiliating or demeaning.

There are many forms, types, and variations of mental illnesses. Mine are the result of different twists in my life journey. There are is a very different type, that some people are born with. It's called the Autistic spectrum, or at least the last I read about it, that's what it was being referred to. It's a variety of ways that the mind alters the way people think, react to social situations, and treat other people. Childhood can be extra rough, being that it is the most informative time, loaded with developmental stages. There is no medication for any of the types on that spectrum. Therapy is the only outlet for learning to manage it. The type I am most familiar with, and the one that has prompted my rant, is called Aspberger's. I have known several aspy (common abbreviation) people. It's also fairly common that aspy people that other mental illnesses, which can in fact be medicated, and they can choose to go to therapy. 

Even if you're on the Aspy spectrum, and managing other various mental illnesses, if you're able to maintain a marriage, hold down a well paying job, and buy a house, chances are you're able to choose to manage your illnesses without treating people like dirt. If you're not able to talk without being a meanface, you just say it, and whatever it is can wait. I do it all the time.. Sometimes you just tune out your phone altogether. I don't do it on purpose, but I definitely do it. I feel that's the mature, responsible way to handle it. That's almost funny, coming from me, "mature". But my Mother did teach me manners, and I'm a firm believer in using them. So, if I'm having a rough day, I use a bit of caution, and don't drag others into my dark and twisty place. THAT is what medication is for.

SO, a little while ago, I texted someone that I considered to be one of my most trusted friends. We can go months without speaking, but if he needs me, I'm there. I know I'm one of the few friends he has that can understand his dark place. But he also knows that he shouldn't engage if he's unable to be kind. I needed some advice about the election, because frankly, I don't understand most of what is going on. The more I read, the less I get. I know mainstream media is a pile of shit, so I do know enough not to buy into any of that. But what I don't know is how to absorb what I read from pretty much any source. I've been trying to understand, bit by bit, who stands for what, and why. This "friend" just not only shut me down, he hurt my feelings and demeaned my life in the process. He came right out and said I was "so caught up I my own bullshit" that I didn't take the time to do my own research.

NEWSFLASH-- I don't have any "bullshit" to be caught up in. My life is actually pretty goddamn groovy. I'm blessed with more love than any one person even really has a right to wish for. I have 2 grown children that have become loving, compassionate, intelligent people. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but I raised them to absolutely always think for themselves, and stand firmly for what they believe in.  I have a tiny family, but we stick together, no matter what. I can call my sisters with a flat tire and having run out of gas at 3 in the morning and they'll figure out a way to help me. At no point, on any given day, do I feel alone in this world. So, no, I don't have any bullshit to be wrapped up in.

I am absolutely absorbed in my own little world. I deserve to be! I think that everyone, at any point in their life that they have achieved inner peace, harmony, and love, should focus solely on nurturing that. I have goals, strive to better myself, even if in tiny increments, and maintain relationships with all the people that I love. I do not believe that in any way, that equals being wrapped up in my own bullshit.

So, I'll continue to ask people I trust for their advice. I'll try to figure out who is the least horrible choice to take their turn running this country. And, hopefully, in the process, I won't run into anyone else that feels the need to trash my life and make feel stupid. I think the sad/mads have just about run their course. Be kind to each other, be patient with the friends that are confused. Above all, as I've said before, remove toxic people. Nobody should have the power to give such horrible sad/mads.

Hopefully the next time you visit My Side of the Looking Glass we'll be talking about something wonderful like babies. Or warm chocolate chip cookies.

-Chandra:)

Choosing Your Battles

Salutations. How've you been? I hope all is well out there in Lalaland. Things are okay on My Side of the Looking Glass. I've got a fiancé that treats me like I'm priceless, I'm more or less healthy, and sufficiently medicated. I've got my share of woes, but they will pass, they always do.

I was skimming my Facebook last night around this time. I got REALLY annoyed. First with some of the ridiculous things that I read, then with myself for not doing anything about it.  What makes people feel they need to overhaul their entire personality, for someone they themselves have admitted is "probably not the one"? Nevermind the borderline illegal, totally tacky, super low-class behavior. Yeah, I just said that. I'd say it to her face too. Unfortunately all 4 brain cells probably wouldn't understand.

Thus began the need to delete, delete, delete. No big, really. We all need to do it sometimes. It just made me sad to think about just drastically people can change, when it's so fucking superficial. Humans need to change, to evolve, to learn and better themselves. All the time. But, when you're closer to 40 than 30 and you're still doing it for the wrong reasons, grow up. And that's coming from maybe the single least mature, unbalanced, and clueless 39 year old on the planet. Okay, maybe not the planet. There's probably a crackhead somewhere less balanced than I am. But I am articulate, intelligent, and let's face it, pretty darn witty. Clever, even.

I am SO grateful for the friendships that endure the test of time, and life. I get all sappy all the time, lost in my head thinking about how fortunate I am to have the friends that I do. My circle is small, but it's unbelievably strong. When my Mom died they were present and accounted for. When I've had health scares they check on me. No matter how ludicrous my decisions appear to be, they've got my back. I recently had the second most painful thing in my life happen to me, and my friends were right there, doing their best to try to find words to comfort me.

So, if they see someone that deserves that type of friendship, I must be doing something right. It's especially comforting when you think about all the people that so willingly let you walk out of their life. Or in one particularly painful situation, tell you that you are dead to them. But that's a post for another day.

I think the point is, examine what you're allowing into your life. If you have friends that are willing to make the time, you must be doing something right. If you find yourself questioning why you feel let down, or flabbergasted, or just plain sad by the way someone has treated you- that's because YOU allowed them to do it. They're called toxic people, at least in how they relate to you. Why would you put up with that? You can't be open to allowing in new, positive things, if you're caught up dealing with negativity, which tends to stem from the influences you allow into your life. I'm just as guilty of it, as anyone else. I wouldn't have been skimming Facebook getting annoyed last night, if I'd taken personal responsibility for removing people.

One last thing; this political situation is making us all a little nutso. Try to remember not to allow the garbage that the media is spewing, to come between you and the people you love. I have a feeling this will get much worse before it gets better. Your friends will still be around after that inauguration, regardless of whom takes to the oath, if they are truly your friends. THAT, not the POLITICS, is worth fighting for. Educate yourself and vote how you feel is best for you. It's nobody's business but yours. Or, for that matter, don't vote at all. Who am I to tell you what to do? Either way, it's you living in your skin, screw the rest. Just remember the people in your life don't love you for your politics. If they do, they're the wrong people. Simple as that.

Now I must bid you farewell. It seems even my miraculous allergy pills cannot combat the damage that sleeping with my sister's cat all day has done to my eyes. I can barely see a damn thing.

Thank you for visiting My Side of the Looking Glass! Let's do this more often, shall we?

--Chandra :)